I’ve written and rewritten this post over and over again maybe four times. You’d think it would get easier but it really, really doesn’t. September 12th for 10 years now has been a really rough day to live. On this day 10 years ago my family said goodbye to my Father, who passed away from his battle with Altzheimers at 63. Way too young. But he continues to live on in me and my family. It’s kind of crazy to live in a world without someone SO full of impact to your life, like a parent. But I’ve learned so much through all of this in the 10 years since his passing. I’ve learned to live each day like it’s my last, just go for my dreams and live with no regrets. I’ve learned to love unconditionally and always put my family first, no matter what. It all stems from this big loss in my life and my heart.

There’s really no way for me to describe how amazing my father was in my eyes. He was my hero. I don’t remember ever being mad at him when he was healthy… he never was an annoying or embarrassing dad. He was truly the life of the party, made everyone feel important and never EVER forgot a face or name, even if he only met them once. He made sure we always had enough money to take a family vacation no matter what and we ALWAYS went to his favorite spots… Wildwood or Canada 🙂 And my mom and him made sure to take us a Disney World, something I wonder if he would regret seeing me now. But I don’t think he would because he sees that I value vacations as much as he did and he taught me right. He loved my mother UNCONDITIONALLY. He was just amazing at loving her, that I remember. He always got her a card for every holiday, no matter what. And when she would have to stay home with me when I got the chicken pox on Valentines Day, he would come home with flowers and balloons for her. I’ll never forget that.

He had the BEST humor and was always, ALWAYS laughing. I can hear his laughing echoing in my head as I type this. And he always laughed over and over again at the same movies and TV shows… his favorite parts forever made him laugh HARD. He would always play jokes on us and mess with us… I remember my mom would take us shopping and we’d come home to find my dad “passed out” on the floor. lol To say that sounds like the most ridiculous thing in the world… WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?? But it was always fun to joke with him. Always. And he LOVED music. All music. This is something that he instilled in me and something I’m forever thankful for. Some kids might get annoyed of only hearing their dad’s music all the time but I loved it… and still do 🙂 Especially Elvis Presley & the Beatles. And even now, I feel his presence through music more than any other way.

When I was trying on wedding dresses and finally found “the one”, I stood in the mirror smiling with my mom, sister and sister-in-law. We found it!! And then all of a sudden my dad’s favorite Elvis song started playing in the Bridal Shop. “Can’t help falling in love”… and we all looked at each other with tears in our eyes. It was like he was there and just approved. At my bridal shower when I was opening presents and my friend was playing The Beatles on her phone, suddenly one of my dad’s favorite Beatle’s song played… “I should have known better”. I looked up with tears in my eyes to the crowd of woman in front of me and found all Three of my sisters & my Mom in tears too. He was there. Music is just SO powerful in my life and it really is all because of him. I think that’s why it’s SO HARD for me to photograph Father/Daughter dances at weddings. Not just because it’s something I’ll never get to experience but because that song is forever special for them. I know what song I would have danced with my Father to. It would have been one of his favorite Elvis songs, “Young and Beautiful”. Listen to it and cry your eyes out with me. It would have been a beautiful dance we would have shared. 🙂

More than anything I just miss him. It’s that simple. We all do and we always will. But he will live on in our memories and my children one day will have so many AMAZING stories to listen to about their Grandpa in heaven and how he was a funny guy, a guy everyone who ever met him loved and a guy who loved what he loved passionately. And is always looking down on them watching them… and to feel him, all they have to do is listen. Listen to the music. That’s how I know he’s here. When I’m shopping at Christmas time and an Elvis Christmas song comes on, it stops me in my tracks. When I’m driving and doubting myself, one of his favorite songs comes on and it all just makes sense and I hear what he’s trying to tell me. I just have to listen and I know… he is there.